Saturday, October 28, 2006 •
why are we having elitist mentality when everyone talks about equal opportunity?
i saw this on a friend's msn nick and although i don't know what he was referring to, i kinda agreed. and i'd like to lament further: is there ever equal opportunity? when things are usually based on meritocracy, where is the equal opportunity? we are already judged by our merits and grades. okay i really shouldn't complain cos perhaps even though not that equal, this is the better way of doing things and the right way to determine perhaps who is more deserving. meritocracy is still better than cronyism and all that "guanxi" pulling strings.
this "soon to graduate" and "starting of job search" thingy is really bothersome. it makes me feel less capable or worthy as a person. i dislike that. but somehow i still gotta dig for my confidence and self-belief 'cos i know the insecurities are not true and with such insecurities, who would want me!
haha oh well, i still want to enjoy my last few months in school. so let me not be bothered! hopefully things will turn out fine eventually.
Monday, October 23, 2006 •
i'm at home, on a lazy Monday afternoon, using my bro's computer. shh. haha. i brought my work home and i did do my readings. however, not being able to log onto the internet using my laptop makes me feel disabled and i am not able to start doing work on my laptop per se. please revive the wireless connection on my laptop! i have a tight working schedule to keep to these few weeks so i must just keep going regardless of the situation. i'll find alternatives if i must. hehe.
i don't have anything to comment about at the moment so i guess this will keep this post short and boring and info-less. probably just to remind anyone who's reading that lorrie is still ard! she's doing her best to meet her deadlines in school (while maintaining a certain work standard) while being rather laidback. i'm working hard okay!!! hehehe.. 4 more weeks of school before reading week then the examinations. it's crunch time!
can't believe this semester is almost over. i better make the most out of it and enjoy while i can't. i love sch! i guess i'm saying i dislike real responsibilities! oh well, hang in there all of you! those in school and those at work.
lovelove, lorrie
p/s: i changed the tagboard cos tag-board's acting funny! it's some webby that requires you to log-in and it says TAG-BOARD-CORPORATION-INDONESIA-STAFF-ONLY on the url part. so yes, despite the low traffic flow on my blog and tagboard, here's chatterbox!
Wednesday, October 11, 2006 •
tuesday nights are fun too. only with my girls. i had dinner and shopping with sam at bugis and i succumbed to a green/black dress! there was also a mini reunion for my ex C3 girls last night. i joined siding, rach, ying and lav at Brix after my evening out with dearest sam. the night was just hilarious. with DOM (dirty old men), hookers (including those that look like) and 'happening' indonesian ladies dressed in all white dancing right in front of us. the crowd was really much older and i guess i am not yet ready or mature enough to feel as comfortable in such a crowd. the music was okay though. there was a live band which was pretty good. i must admit i didn't really have a fabulous time for a clubbing night out but it was nonetheless good to hang out with friends.
non-high and non-drunk nights like these trick me into being reflective of i feel my 'hardened' heart. my inability to open my heart to love and be loved. my inability to just go out, let go and have fun. but oh well, i guess sometimes feelings are but illusions. i certainly hope so. i do not want to wallow is self-despair.
anyway, my lesson today was at 12. but i forgot that i had a project meeting at 10. only planning to wakey at 1120 (hehe), i was awaken by the constant ringing from the smses i received ard 10! when i saw the first one, i thought that my friend had msged the wrong person so i ignored it and continued cuddling up with my cosy comforter. when i heard the next ring, i thought that it was just a msg that could be read later. when i heard the 3rd sms (@ abt 1020), i thought what could it be and who's msging me and so i read my smses. 'hey i'll be slightly late. sorry!' 'hi, where are you?' 'where are you?' then i jumped out of bed and checked my organiser. i had a meeting scheduled for 10!
i felt so wasted and like what was i doing with my life. i wasn't drunk or high because i didn't drink much the night before. but i guess i could say that i was out partying and totally forgot about my commitments. i.e. school/projects. i felt like an irresponsible person and i'm usually not like this. the number of times i am really really late for a project meeting or forget one is usually zero but this sem has been a bit worse. (i think i need chris and swan)
oh well, in the middle of my project discussion, i felt better cos even though our project is progressing very very slowly, it is progressing. this sentiment towards my project seemed to have an overall calming effect on me. my 'guilt' and 'self-despair' feelings disappeared. so i felt like i could take control of my life once again and make up for my 'wasted' night/mornings - to balance work and play.
Sunday, October 08, 2006 •
the haze's been quite bad the past few days. thankfully this morning when i woke up, the air was much clearer! i guess it makes moods better too.
dinner at timbre yesterday then caught you, me and dupree after that. i like timbre. even though the band wasn't playing (we were too early), i still liked the al fresco dining in like a cosy corner. the food was pretty good and i guess so was the company. concert videos of jamie cullum and U2 were played in place of the band but it was still good. i hope to go there some time soon again. this time to catch the bands in action. dupree was funny. but i guess to me it was normal funny but i didn't find it like extremely hilarious. anyways, saturday nights out are always nice. i would be lonely and bored otherwise. :)
Sunday, October 01, 2006 •
caught "the forbidden city" with my sis, mum and aunts this afternoon. went shopping with my sis after that and guess what, there was midnight shopping at marina square today! so we hung ard till about 11 plus. when we left, there was still many others shopping! well, my sis and i "secretly" bought quite a bit of stuff. "secretly" cos we don't want our mum to exclaim. i kinda feel guilty cos i'm not earning at the moment but hmm hey! these are all investments and good buys. i'm serious. haha.
my sis has been to work for 1 week and i'm glad she met Awful in the elevator! i hope they can be friends cos i'm too far away and busy to spend time with them. hopefully they can gossip and bitch together. makes work much more interesting. hee. then again, how can my sis lunch with Awful if Awful goes to the gym all the time. Awful is very fit. Maybe my sis should learn so that jelly belly will disappear. hehehe.. I need to achieve that too.
i wish i wish i wish.. there are so many things i wanna buy, get, achieve. slow and steady. yes i'm sure.
