Saturday, September 23, 2006 •
i've been feeling a little down lately. no goals, no expectations, nothing to look forward to. there's probably lotsa school work to do which i must remind myself to do them during the one week recess if not i'll probably waste that recess week away. sigh.
i wonder what's making me feel this way. is it because my parents and sis are out of the country? but hmm, on weeks that they are ard, i see/talk to them only during the weekends. perhaps more often for my sis but ya. so that probably isn't the reason. school isn't as fun anymore. it's not because of the modules i'm taking. they are not exactly more boring or more difficult but i think i miss my friends. christie and swan. they never fail to brighten up my school days. i'm not officially training in any sport at the moment. so this gives me one less motivation/goal/activity in my life. even though dance practices are starting, and so are the upcoming ihg trainings, i'm not too sure if i'll be enjoying myself or even looking forward to them. hall's different. the countless unfamiliar faces whom i don't know and similarly they don't know me. making new 'friends' or perhaps acquaintainces when activities begin will take place perhaps but until then, nothing's going to change until then. even when i know them, what difference will it make? it's sad but true, many people just become passing people in one's life. maybe today is just a lonelier day because my neighbours aren't ard. my dearest ding was ard but she was busy with her essay and after that KO-ed. maybe i've no friends.
okay, i correct that, i guess i have friends. many friends, but they can't be here for me all the time. i want someone to be with me. i want someone that is kinda like 'mine'. i guess not in a physical 'i-need-you' sticky way, more like just having that warm and secure feeling, knowing that he'll be there for me and he's 'with' me always. i have love from my family and friends but sad to say, i think i'm in need of some love. that love. the romantic one.
i don't think fairytales exist. (although, i guess most girls, including me, dream of one.) i don't believe in ideals anymore, cos maybe they don't exist. but i'm still searching passively for that someone who can make my heart beat faster, someone whom i would want to spend every moment with. i would like to avoid sounding arrogant or some sort but i don't know how so pardon me (hehe) anyway, as my friends say, it's not that no one wants me, i didn't want them. the boys and maybe some are men, appear for moments then disappear. that 'thing', that 'feeling', that 'spark' is just missing. how do people get into relationships without that magical feel. does it happen? are such compromises meant to be made? how long should i wait and hang around for the right feeling, not knowing if it'll ever come. i can keep thinking that it will it will, one day. but we all know that maybe it won't. people end up being single even when they're old. i don't want that to happen. it'll be miserable. at least in my opinion.
despite the pros and cons of being single and being in a relationship (of which i weighed many times but still not figuring which is better), i think currently, at this moment, i'm in need of some love.
Sunday, September 17, 2006 •
happy birthday siding!
wishing you love, joy, peace and happiness. cliche i know but these simplest things in life are the most important. thanks for always being there for me and know that i'll always be here for you too. love you lots!!
Saturday, September 16, 2006 •
i don't really feel like blogging but it seems like it's time to blog because i haven't been blogging for a while.
it's difficult to blog because the world revolves too quickly for my liking or my blogging. hehe. day by day passes, before you know it, week by week. everytime seems fine. a bit too stagnant perhaps. nothing is changing and after a while you realise that change is good. i like being in the comfort zone but it's boring. i could initiate some changes but i'm too laid-back and apprehensive to make them. i rather they happen just like that. cos maybe then i'm forced to react to such changes. i think i'm weird.
my parents and my sis are out of the country for abt 9 days. i guess i'll stay in hall and maybe call home to "check" on lennard and annie occasionally.
Saturday, September 02, 2006 •
i love soft rock weekend on class95. it's really my favourite. i can listen non-stop, lying in bed, just relaxing.
this is not so ideal when i have 3 assignments due this coming week and i have yet to start writing any. have started the preliminary research and discussions but haven't gotten down to writing anything. i decided to stay in hall so that i can finish up at least 1 or 2 this weekend so i better make that happen.
still, i have high inertia tonight and i feel like sleeping early so that i will wake up early and work the whole day tmr. the mood's just not right today. came back to hall after a 2hr sleep last night (just couldn't fall asleep), played one whole morning of touch rugby, had Macs for lunch and took a 2 hr nap before dinner. i'm still tired. my brain doesn't feel like processing anything. anyway, i know most of my friends will comment "are you sure you can wake up early tomorrow?" well, my response would be "i will and i can if i sleep early tonight." ;)
so... maybe i should enjoy my Saturday night for an hour or two more and start real work tomorrow. it's a hectic week but i know i'll survive. discipline is what it takes. i may not have a lot of that but i can have some when i need to (i hope). hehe.
