Thursday, December 29, 2005 •
I better blog before I lose my train of thoughts. There are always a few things on my mind which I feel like blogging about. But many a times, I procrastinate and end up not blogging about them. Some stuff are just purely random thoughts. For example, I wanted to blog a bit about the opening of MOS. Some stuff are emotionally inclined. For example, about my friends and loved ones. Some stuff are just out of plain boredom, which sometimes explains how I end up blogging. Sometimes I feel that I tend to repeat myself in entries. Perhaps once a month, I'll say the same thing. Worse, maybe even once a week. Heh. I guess to a certain extent it goes to show how my thoughts and views have not changed or goes in circles.
When I think about blogging and people who blog, I ask myself, why do people blog. Some keep it as a personal diary. If so, why publish it on the web? Some blog just to lament and rant about issues. Some say it's for friends to read so that they can keep up with what's happening in each other's lives. I find that usually true. When I think the reason to which I blog, it seems like the 3rd one, for friends to read so that they can in a bit keep up with what's happening with me. Yet, how true is that actually. It's rather difficult I guess, cos sometimes, I want to be heard yet at the same time, I think that it might be better to keep things to myself. If I'm going to keep things to myself, why blog? Shouldn't a personal diary be better? Contradicting ey... I find myself pretty much confused most times. Hehe I don't know, blogging has this weird power. Writing out/down your thoughts and feelings seem to make me feel better when I'm down. When I'm up, I just feel like "spreading the joy". Hopefully the people who read, my friends I guess, feel happy for me too.
The dilemma comes when your friends are the ones who usually read your blog. Yet because they are your friends, closer ones perhaps, then if there's ever anything you would want to rant about them, diplomatically, I should you shouldn't.. Cos a blog isn't exactly private... Also, sometimes my inner most feelings want to be heard, yet I'm not sure how willing I am to share them with everyone else, sometimes even my closest friends. Gee, don't get me wrong, I've been thinking, does everyone have their own dark secret? Maybe not many but even perhaps just one? Or issit just me that may want to keep some stuff to myself or...?
As I grow older, I feel that I treasure my space more. I need some time by myself, I need some time to be alone. And as I grow older, my thoughts become more complex. More aware of the world and the real world. And I dislike it. As they say, ignorance is bliss. I prefer the naive "perfect" world that I used to live in. I prefer the confident patient me and now these two traits seem to be running low, perhaps not all the time but at times. Alas, I guess all these will never happen cos in fact, there's no such thing as perfect. Reality really seems to be so tough at times. Fine line between tough and challenging. All these make me think. Especially since I feel I've become jaded and more cynical abt things. Thinking just wears the mind. Yet, thinking, I believe is a process of growing, which of course is in a way inevitable.
Anyway, there's quite a bit on my mind these days. Just stuff. My life. In all aspects that affect me. Every bit does (if you know me well enough). I think I think too much and act too little. But perhaps it is better to think before acting cos we won't want rash actions. Sometimes, thinking seems to be the only thing we can do. i.e. it's really not that necessary. I seem to make things complicated all the time. I have no idea why or when I started my tendency of making life difficult for myself. FYI, this post wasn't supposed to be abt all I've mentioned. It was supposed to be about other stuff. But yes I've digressed. This really isn't an exam or essay I guess so it's okay to digress? Hahaha. Pardon me.
Argh, but digressing is bad cos I've typed so much yet I haven't covered other stuff I planned to mention. And it's so late already I must sleep before training. Gee. Until then I guess. If i'm still in the mood and I remember the things I wanna share.
Monday, December 26, 2005 •
The day after Christmas. -Boxing Day! Thankfully, I'm having a relaxing day at home. For once, no training, no dance. Administrative stuff to think about but yes, no actual actions to be taken. :) A photo roundup of gatherings:
Pre-Christmas lunch with Awful (23rd Dec)
At Heeren Billy Bombers. Yum yum.
Christmas Eve Steamboat with friends from hall (24th Dec)
Photos tell it all. Hehe. Some of the guys, the girls, our steamboat and our logcake. The mood felt a bit more CNY than chrismassy but it was fun. A little jenga and mj after that. Wheee!
My family Christmas gathering (25th Dec)
From top left hand corner in clockwise direction:
(1)The christmas tree at home with present underneath.
(2)Part of our festive feast! (More was in the kitchen and fridge)
(3)The party gang short of photographer Aunt Frances.
(4)My sis and I with present from her, present to her and present from Bro. :)
Sunday, December 25, 2005 •
merry christmas everyone!
love you all lots!
and wishing everyone love peace joy and happiness.
*huggies*
Thursday, December 22, 2005 •
Someone banged very loudly on my door. It was a little high Swan, who opened the door to reveal herself, Chris, Fi, Sam and Friend to a half-awake half-asleep Lorr. They popped by to say "Hi" after a night at Zouk. Drunk behaviour? Hmm, they seemed sober though. I guess sometimes when u're that little bit high you do stuff on the spur of the moment. And they felt like visiting a friend whom they missed. Hehe. It was almost 4am and I was tossing and turning in my bed already though after a good 3hrs of deep sleep. Anyway, after a walk to the loo, I came back to my room finding myself unable to sleep so here I am, blogging.
Before that moment, I was lying in bed, thinking of my day ahead. Touch, track and dance. One full day. And with my achey, overworked body, I comtemplated giving Touch a miss so that I would have the energy to train for my IVP track and to continue dancing. I was worried that I would not be able to complete my track workout because my body didn't rest. Thursdays for track are always my most hated - speed endurance workout. This week being "cool off" week, I don't know what to expect later. I really hope something light. Being Captain has taken a toll on me, not the admin side, nor it was abt serving the team. It's more of the pressure to be a leader my example, esp when training is concerned. Friends my teammates are but I do not wish to show them my weakness and lack of strength and will during training sessions. I hope I find the strength somewhere to pull me through this season. Anyway, back to my comtemplation, I guess as a responsible SMC vice, I will still go for Touch later. And despite the tiredness etc, I still enjoy these different activities most times.
My results came out yesterday. I kinda had a target for each of my module and 4 out of my 5 modules reached/exceeded expectation. The last module was slightly below expectation but I guess it was alright. I can't really be complaining as it's my best semester ever in NUS and my CAP increased by 0.1. I had an average of a B+. On that note, my closest business school friends, Chris and Swan had average of A-s and Bs respectively. I'm really happy that we worked closely for all our modules. It's been doing us good. I guess ultimately, I'm still a pretty much average student, trying to juggle other activities, school and having a life.
Christmas is really coming. Maybe I said before that "i can't believe christmas is here again" and "time really flies". But, I'm still in xxx that it's been almost one year since the last christmas. I guess everytime we look back at things, I will always have that reminiscence. I'm truly quite emotional. I don't know what I'll be doing on Xmas eve. Not that it's a big deal but when people start asking "so what are you doing on xmas eve" I don't really fancy it when I have to reply, "I don't know." Like I have nothing to look forward to this festive season. How boring. Haha. But seriously, this christmas is definitely gonna be quite a break from all the trainings and dance at least. I'm looking forward to that. :)
Quite a bit to digest for one post? (It's really 3 main points which I could elaborate more on indivdually actually.) I guess my writing style's just like that. I can't seem to totally focus and concentrate on one issue. Demonstrating my breadth but lack of depth. I can't seem to help thinking that it's the same when it comes to my schoolwork. I attempt at the "depth" department only when really required to. Sometimes in projects, depth vs breadth is a matter of choice and I always seem to go for the latter. Writing simply also seems very much reflective of me.
Ok out. Back to sleep. About 2.75hrs left.
Monday, December 19, 2005 •
it's monday once again. third one since the holidays started. december holiday weekends are always used to recharge. so basically, for the third weekend, after hockey and dance on sat, and (for this week) meeting up with lychee and pat that evening, i slept the whole weekend. and every monday morning dad will drive me back to hall, and on the way, dropping mum off at work and just the two of us having breakfast in chinatown.
i would like to introduce chinatown hawker centre as a place with good and relatively cheap food. however, every monday morning, i am (more or less) given two breakfast choices by my dad. haha. choice 1: ikan bilis yong tau foo & choice 2: porridge. well these two choices are definitely my favs in the hawker centre. choice 1 is leading as we ate it 3 out of 4 times in the past 4 weeks. we have become a monday regular and today, dad didn't even have to go to the stall to place and order. when the stall 'aunty' saw us, she immediately asked, "what's ur order?" (or something like tt since they conversed in cantonese).
things i've done since reaching hall:
1) laundry (clothes and bedsheets)
2) gave tping a clean tank
3) magicleaned (dry) my floor
4) watched half of the movie "seven"
5) organized my bangkok trip photos (still have way done. to be shared when completed.)
i can't believe christmas is here again. time really flies. christmas, other than the religious aspect is known to emcompass the spirit of giving. i guess i do feel like getting nice little gifts for my family and close friends but there are a few constraints. 1)no time to shop 2)limited budget. :( sigh. well, if i had the time and the $, i'll try to get peeps gifts in this week okay? on that note, my nice sis asked what i wanted for christmas. so i was making a wishlist earlier and i realised most of the stuff i wanted are inclined towards my sporting needs in dec. makes me wonder if i'm so much less girly. hehe.
lorrie's wishlist: a white visor which fits my small head, a nice colourful sports bra, a bag - kinda like a duffle/gym bag, not too big or small for me to bring stuff to training, a swimsuit for some swimming, blue eye makeup (eyeliner and mascara in particular)jojo! erm this is meant for you... hehe..
hmm. okay this seems like it for now. i guess i could get all these on my own. but it would still be nice if they were gotten for me instead. haha
anyway, there's quite a bit to look forward to this week. ihg's starting tmr!!! with a guys soccer match. EH vs TH. exciting hur. there's also an SMC mass bbq and DP movie screening after the match. also, examination results out on wednesday. *jitters* okay.. i'm gonna nap b4 dance. piglet.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005 •
Awful is absolutely right. I am LAZY. I haven't been blogging ever since I came back from Thailand because I've been busy/lazy. I guess busy is an accurate word, however, there is always a fine line between busy and lazy. And I realised that I had crossed that line. Hehe...
In a weird way, ever since Thailand, many things happened and they happened quickly. Like trainings, dance practices, clubbing, going out with friends. and suddenly because I stopped blogging for a while, it's quite difficult to describe/update such activities and events. I haven't really had the time to sit down in my room and stone for long, other than when i'm sleeping (does that count?) until today when I gave up MJ for a night. hehe. I think perhaps MJ's the one that is slowly taking away my time in the background. Somehow at the back of my mind, I want to make a pact with myself to stay away from the deadly tiles!! But erm.. I'm afraid that I will regret such a decision as afterall, it's the holidays!!!
Okay friends, here's my holiday schedule. A brief basic one. So date me at the appropriate times kk! i.e. the free slots (usually weekends)! Most of the weekday free slots are for resting and sleeping.
Erm. I've more to tell but I guess one post at a time. For now, this is my update. Hi everyonee! I'm still good.. :)
