Wednesday, August 31, 2005 •
after going thru a few pages of my friendster acct, this is what i developed. i think that there's a conspiracy theory. hahahaha... see, people get attached and somehow they become prettier and prettier or like more handsome and more good looking. perhaps glowing and basking in/with love. then what happens to the unattached, single and available, some sulk in loneliness, becoming uglier and uglier. some who love being single and available just stay the way they are until something/one comes along to change their lives. isn't that just sucky now tt i'm the single and available and honestly, i guess i do sulk in loneliness sometimes. how often and how frequent? hmm no idea.
to me, the singles lose out more than the attached even though there are pros and cons to both. i guess i was never the kind of girl tt is super independant...etc don't wanna or don't like being in a relationship. not tt i am dying to get into one now. i just feel a wee bit empty in tt area. read me, when ure attached, you still can enjoy most things like being single plus the addition of ur other half. when ure not, there is no value added. the other half must not be a hindrance to your studies, dreams, freedom...etc see. BUT i've had my share of horrible, disgusting jerks, who are perfectly good friends i guess, just that having a past with them just spoilt everything. yet, romantic and idealistic at heart, i don't think i'll ever settle for, to me, 2nd best. i guess everyone who settles, think their partners are the best and tt must always be maintained. but i'm picky or at least, i foresee that those i could be a wee bit attracted to aren't interested in me! which is why, i don't think or forsee myself landing in anything at least in the near future. sad ey. haha. i guess tt's even more sad when everyone ard u has someone else by their side beside their fabulous friends and family.
i guess i'm waiting to be swept off my feet again... waiting and hoping but don't get me wrong, i'm never in a hurry because i don't want to experience hurt/pain/torture in this aspect again. emotional wounds hurt the most.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005 •
Cheryl is staying over with me NOW! I am teaching her how to use Hello. :)
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Sunday, August 28, 2005 •
this is bad. haha i haven't been finding time to blog. and so the cycle goes again. when sch starts, i get too caught up in sleeping, going to sch, hanging out in lovely neighbours' rooms such that i leave out the stuff i would normally do in my super free time alone. well, now that i'm home, and i brought my laptop home, i guess there's time for such.
i love music. what kind of music? no idea of the genres. haha i guess i'm a rather traditional person still, as wild and silly as i can be sumtimes. i'm tuned in to GOLD90.5FM now and i simply love it. like you know, lazing ard, relaxing...etc =) well, Class95 is another fav of mine too but sumtimes tt station brings back not so nice memories.
anyway, hmmm.. ya that's all for now. ahahaha.. till i blog again, just know tt i am fine and i hope you all are doing good too. work's beginning to pile up but i'm glad i'm slowly but surely clearing my work i hope. p/s: all kinda work. hehe sch, ivp track stuff, hall stuff.. they're all beginning to make themselves felt.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005 •
feeling better now. i guesss.... haha a little therapy helps. like u know when u indulge in urself... and of cos, the presence of friends. :) thank you all, siding and awful hee..
•
dammit i can't believe i'm actually blogging about this again. i tot it was over. i tot i'm good. i was wrong. it's like 6 in the morning and i'm hit by this surge of emotions. i'm upset. upset again. i'm so upset i can't stop crying. (ok.. you all know that lorraine's just a cry baby).
it's bad. just bad. i know that frenchloaf is still up. her room lights are still switched on. but i don't dare to talk to her. not so much don't dare perhaps. but more like i don't really have anything to say. do i need someone to knock some sense into me again? erm.. not really. i don't think so. maybe she's wondering why does she hear funny noises from the room beside. lorrie is blowing her stuffed nose.
i'm happy. happy with my friends. happy with my family. generally happy with everything including sch and all. missing my sister and friends who are overseas. getting emotional seeing things abt being old or like my dad's few strands of white hair. i think i'm scared. scared that one day my parents won't be ard anymore and no one will be by my side. i'm swarmed by couplings in hall and tt simply doesn't help. i wish things never had to turn out this way. what's so wrong with me. why. don't get me wrong, i'm not dying to get attached. it's just kinda hitting me sometimes that there is something wrong with me and it's hurting me slowly. eating up my esteem. why did he have to leave. why did he have to be like one moment my friend yet other moments like i didn't exist. why did i feel so hateful and say mean things. ok it wasn't tt mean but i definitely didn't say nice stuff. actually, all i wanted was for him to just be my friend again. but i always push it. i always ruin it. why am i always so self-scolding when it come to relationships. i have this urge to want to talk to him just to like reassure myself that everything's ok. we're friend...etc but what for? he prob doesn't give a s***. but i guess one day i will. i'll make the first move to chat with him since he did try to make the first move at least by wishing me happy birthday. it was still a nice gesture but i replied rather horrid remarks i guess. but if he doesn't talk to me with the respect or ...etc i feel i need, or worse, if he doesn't want to talk to me. gee.. i don't know man...
anyway, after chatting to two or perhaps one friend on msn abt hall stuff, it takes my mind away what i just blogged abt. but it isn't really a cure i guess. makes me feel better though. least it's not blowing up my mind like it did a few minutes ago. maybe i'm just lonely.
Sunday, August 07, 2005 •
yay!! we won we won! even though we didn't win the best flag collection, or the best rag presentation, or the best rag...etc we still won the overall vice-chancellor's shield!! =) this is our 4th year in a row, and mine being the 3rd year since becoming a Eusoffian, I'm really proud and happy. As my dear mini friend Polly said, we did it because we wanted it and we worked hard for it. Kudos to the whole EHOC team! Things like these always make me emotional.
Also had a EUSOFF traditional VICTORY BASH yesterday. It was held at this place called Tunnel. It's at the Big Splash, ECP. Hmm. Well, it just wasn't very much a good clubbing night for me. I didn't enjoy myself. But oh well, luckily Macs made up for it as a good person friend drove me and a few friends to Macs where I ate! and then we took a cab back to hall. Watched the 2nd episode of my downloaded Desperate Housewives before going to bed.
As i'm blogging, I'm also packing up my totally warzone like room. muahaha.. more things to do:
1) Fold Laundry
2) Continue tidying desk
3) Bring more necessary stuff from home to hall!
4) Go IKEA to get more stuff to get an organised desk/room.
5) Load songs in NEEON, paste stik-ons onto NEEON
6) Get ready for 1st lecture tmr!!
Weird isn't it. We get more stuff to look like we have less stuff! hahaha.. the irony of it. Looks like i might just end up with more junk haha.. I better keep check and in control. I think I already brought much less clothes to hall. Still seems like a lot though.
Ooooh.. School's starting. Hope it'll be a good sem. Please let it be. I'll also do my best to make it one. YAAAAAAAAAY!
Friday, August 05, 2005 •
rag is tmr!!!! ahh! it's my 3rd year dancing for EH in rag yet every year feels different. anyway be it rag or flag, i guess winning is a bonus and if we don't then so be it. not tt i don't care already but hmmm.. ya. things not looking good this year. my fren commented that we have to start losing a few times before reaching higher heights again. and that it's not in the winning but in the process of making friends, companionship and having fun. well, true i think. anyway for the past few years we have been winning the chancellor's shield. as much as i don't like to see my hall lose, i guess it's okay...
to all my dancer friends, jiayou!!! YAY!!!!! haha as the evil siding choreo will say! we can do it! just enjoy ourselves.
sch will be starting next week. i hope i work hard and become a nerd.. then again.. haha that's what i say every sem rite? but really i think this sem is gonna be tough. and so will my next few sems be :(
okok update soon! with photos hopefully. hehe love you all... *huggies*
