Thursday, November 25, 2004 •
dammit i'm blogging again... i can't help it la.. i can't sleep nor can i study... all i do is either stare at my book or lie in bed with eyes closed but seriously not sleeping at all... it's not anything bothering me really... it's jus the restlessness and the inability to concentrate... i know i do not have time left but yet!!!
anyways, i received a very nice email from szeyen today. dropped her an email because i was erm "bored".. hehe and she replied! she really inspired me. no.. sadly not to study but she reminded me abt the other side of life... she reminded me that there is so much out there that i've not experienced. sadly, this experience can only be fulfilled when u have less committments, much more freedom, and no other woes. it's all abt being yourself and doing things u like. i seemed to have 4gotten this simple meaning or aspect of life. yet can't afford to think of these now cos what's at hand is the final exams. which i seriously as mentioned b4, am messing up. why why why... there's no explaination i guess...
can my sleep woes, eating woes and study woes please disappear.... lemme be focused once more. i can't remember the last time i was really focused. i think i shall play sum games until my hair is almost dry and i am sleepy enuff to sleep. i will work doubly hard tmr. i promise. procrastination. :( can't help it..
Wednesday, November 24, 2004 •
oooh babes, this is in response to my tagboard... haha even though my addy is changed, my tagboard on the old addy is still visible of all the updates hence the acknowledging of anons. hehehe.... and since i couldnt type into the tagboard such stuff.. assuming they are ppl i dunno and i dun wanna know... i have to blog abt it! hahaha...
in actual fact the email you guys received, i only told the few email addresses there abt my new blog addy and planning to tell a few more only.. closer frens/family as mentioned. hey.. with such a unique one.. who'd be able to anyhow type in iloveteaping? hahaha.... erm.. pt is... if anyone else reads this post, i am sooooo gone... haha not really gone la.. but it'll just mean i'm really dumb.
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Exam status: 2 down 3 to go
my 2nd paper jus ended. it wasnt horrible. but yet i knew i could have done better. it's not abt the prep actually, it's more abt the on the spot delivery. i feel that i am losing my abilities. what happened to a lorraine that could do the questions on her paper and with care. i only blame myself but what is done is done isnt it. i know i am capable of better yet i am not performing up to my abilities. or issit that my abilities were never really there. hmm... sumtimes you just doubt urself and start to wonder if you should start admitting that you ain't as intelligent as you thought. but tt's a totally lose-lose situation isnt it? to declare that you have lost the war. is it a better choice to live in a world of your own and believe in urself no matter whatever happens?
i really hope for exams to be over. i expect lousy grades but i do not hope for them. i am doing by best (the optimal that i can do NOW) but i am afraid it is not enuff. anything but all Cs please. nor Ds. and.... please do not let my CAP drop below 3.0.
i've always been prone to worrying and brooding over things. but if i dont, cos i know it's pointless, does it signify i'm less concerned abt how i am faring? and perhaps in the long run i will really not be that concerned anymore. i hope not.
Monday, November 22, 2004 •
okay hi guys.. i should think mostly girls... hahaha... erm.. if i'm not wrong, this is my first post on my new addy and... even though it's not a very good time to do it.. i guess it might make me feel better... and hey! if i informed you of my address, please please keep it to urself. i think no more links from now on...
oh well i guess that i knew all along that blogs are public. anyone who chances upon it can read it. but i tot that with an address that few strangers will actually on purpose type in or link and that the people that i disclose the address to are people close to me and hence i'm willing to share my innermost thoughts and feelings.. although if you guys do realise, lorraine blogs only when she is rather bored, or feeling extreme. mostly that is. however, in the not so recent but rather abt half a year twist of events, because i disclosed my blog to a fren of mine from hall and she linked me to her blog... i became linked to the whole wide dammit hall. okay oops pardon me here. i knew it and allowed it but it didnt occur to me the repercussions of it when i need to blog just to let my extreme emotions out. and with the not so current but recent events happening in my life, i think i feel a little bit invaded already. cos i guess perhaps stranger hall peeps or perhaps acquaintances and or perhaps my frens but ppl jus remaining anonymous are 1. concerned 2. kay-poh hahaha and i think tt's it.. ooh one more 3. bored but either case.. i do feel invaded. sumhow this doesnt stop me from blogging. cos i guess i really don't mind and i do want my closer frens/family --> i think only my sis. hahaha... to read on if they are interested = concerned and want updates on my life.. not tt i update much or relevant stuff but least they have a clue! so... yeah changing my address was the idea. living in such a closeknit community i think it really isnt a good thing to let that continue. my oversight. and i will pay the consequences of it. also, now i start to wonder, other than my relationship stuff... which has mainly taken priority in my blog.. hahaha... peeps who don't know me will judge me from my blog which is inevitable.. but hey i'm assuming those ppl who read my blog really know me to begin with b4 they make any kinda judgements. i think to judge one just by a blog is unfair. like blogging is only part of u. it doesnt make u. do i have to restrict myself from sounding like a bimbo just because i know people are reading? p/s: lorraine is not a bimbo! hahahahaha.... but she may sound like one. okay not bimbo cos i dun have the boobs.. maybe airhead is a better choice of words.
now i feel sorry. cos erm u know the other party involved. which i used to mention names but i even took that out a long time ago cos he said tt if u googled u can chance upon my blog with his name. i feel bad that it's afterall a personal privacy thingy. mine i put on the line but i forgot wrt to hall peeps. his is there too. and it's really bad. i shouldnt have. i feel a little sick now. if i were him, i would be angry... but erm i'm not him yet but it's a matter of time he knows.. anyways he does know i blog abt him.. dammit. so he should have asked me not to if he really was affected rite.. haha okay i am deluding myself.. but yeah.. i think hopefully he doesnt care much abt opinions. and for myself now, i shant bother. and sumtimes and more so now, i still do bother abt how ppl see and view and think of myself but i guess i will try not to let those who do not know me affect me. if they are ppl i'm close to fine. but to ppl who do not, who are they to judge and who are they to say. okay enuff for now. later guys. i really need to mug. and i really had to get this off my chest.
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first paper today was.............. bad... bad bad bad bad bad...
not tt i didnt know how to do.. but... more like i didnt manage time properly... sigh..
i guess all i have to do now is to work harder for the other papers but erm.. tt's difficult cos motivation is so low... and it's getting really freaky... i think this sem is a very horrible semester in terms of grades...
okay gtg work now!
Wednesday, November 17, 2004 •
Love never dies a natural death. It dies from neglect and abandonment. It dies of blindness and indifference and of being taken for granted. Things omitted are often more deadly than errors committed. In the end, love dies of weariness, from not being nurtured. We don't really fall out of love any more than we fall into it. When love dies, oneor both partners have neglected it, have failed to replenish and renew it. Like any other living, growing thing, love requires effort to keep it healthy. -Leo Buscaglia
Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. -Benjamin Disraeli
Tuesday, November 16, 2004 •
here i am again... hehe... uh.. didnt manage to study today! :( well i slept from 10am to 6pm.. then i woke up and decided to clean my room a little... and wash my bedsheets and blanket.. and.. yeah... feels good.. not tt my room is cleaner or nicer but.. erm feels neater! hehe... oh and i looked at my rather neat cupboard and i realised i have many clothes.. i don't really need any basic stuff more... should be more selective when buying clothes next time... not to mention my cupboard at home is filled to the brim too. i need to tidy my room at home! i also want to restyle my room during the holidays!!! and many many other plans after exams... hehe but okaay for now, full steam ahead! tt's what i have been saying haven't i? hehe...
Monday, November 15, 2004 •
well.. it's kinda early in the morning and that's when most of us have many thoughts.. either that or none at all i guess when we're tired and all wanna sleep.. anyway, lemme count, it's been 5 days since i really started sum revision and out of these 5 days only 4 days i was kinda studying.. 1 day wasted. Today will be hopefully another good day. Honestly speaking, i look at my schedule and i know i have no time to finish my stuff. Not to mention that the topics i have revised already are not deeply imbedded in my tiny head. heh.. sigh.. the funniest thing is... i am not panicking yet.. help! oh well.. maybe my rationale is no point panicking and rushing through.. tt's true but hey i think i'm not even as disciplined to keep on studying.. i must take like 4 to 5 hrs break after a 4 hr revision session! argh.. but old habits die hard. i think this will continue until the fateful day before the papers. =(
i need to clean my room and i hope to put up photos of my cute "tea-ping" and my new hair soon soon... all after the exams...
question of the moment: is blogging during the examination and study period a waste of time? ahahaha...
Thursday, November 11, 2004 •
i want to read "the FIVE people you meet in heaven" after the exams!
gosh i can't wait for exams to be over.. not cos i wanna read but the panic + studying process has only begun for 1 day and i'm tired... hehe
Monday, November 08, 2004 •
hmm even before exams are here.. here is a list of things to do after exams! hehehe...
1. picnic!
2. beach day!
3. movie day!
4. shopping day!
5. what else ah... hmm... oh well i'm sure i'll know after exams!
oooh i did my hair again hehe.. kinda like it of cos.. compared to my messy hair.... but okay for now i really gotta concentrate and study for exams.... argggh hehe dun know how many days more....
Friday, November 05, 2004 •
oooh finally i get to blog.. oh well tt day i wanted to blog cos i went for a mini shopping trip to bugis village.. and bought two tops... and ooh a diamond ring for myself... how sad.. lorraine has to buy a ring for herself.. maybe tt's an indication of a modern woman... cos we can't rely on men... haha okay i'm feeling sore...
oh well my patience is running thin with him.. still don't know what i'm searching for... sad.. still a little sad when i think back... but it's all normal i guess...
exams exams... in abt 2 weeks time... must mug but errrr... knowing lorraine... hehe.. okay i must do my best... hmmm... long time since i blogged... when will i see my blogger again... we shall see.. byebye!!
