Tuesday, October 26, 2004 •
oooh stress.. exams are erm nearing..
and i jus got back midterm results today
bad bad bad... erm yuh.. for the first time.. really worried.. not tt upset but now more worried abt how i would fare for the finals... only means one thing... gotta buck up and study real hard now... sigh... can i do it? yes i can.. hehe.. okay i hope i can... cos i must and i have to.. wouldnt want mummy to scold me...
Saturday, October 23, 2004 •
is sleeping a form of escape...
my fren jus mentioned that i am always escaping and that i'm seld destructive... oh well...
and i had the strangest dream... it was kinda tell me to give it up... it wasnt a good dream...
but hey... i can't... okay i guess i can but it jus takes time.. channel all my energy to sumthing else but how can anyone deny the fact that at just certain times u feel sad and all alone...
like in SATC, which of cos is just a show, but i guess most of us draw in similarities with the characters.. hehehe.. what silly poops we are.. but then again... oh well... look at carrie and big... today i was watching a few episodes from season 3... she like had an affair with big and all... and she knew she shouldnt... and she knew tt if she told her frens her frens wouldnt have liked it at all.. and even when she told miranda other related stuff.. miranda told her tt she will not bother abt her....etc and they fell out for a moment.. jus because miranda didnt want carrie to get hurt again... yet carrie couldn't resist being with big... there was this i dunno.. inner thingy in her i guess... haha
dejavu!!!! oh well same thing happened my last big breakup... thing was.. my frens were right... and after much sadness.. a lot a lot of bawling...etc i finally got over the guy... maybe also cos sumone else came along... how abt this time... rationally... my frens are always right.. they see what's good for me more than what i see for myself.. like negative externalities in econs.. hahaha but who knows what going on btw us and inside me more than myself.... i know there's a high possibility that this time is no different from any other time but how.. and i can't... it's so hard.. i miss him...
i just realised the songs in my com don't grow much... i'm listening to old songs... again and again... i can listen to the same song for many many days if i feel in the mood... i'm such a stubborn silly poop... why why why.... why issit possible for people to move on quickly and i'm always stuck in a rut.. i know they put in effort but how does it seem easy.. okay i actually know it ain't easy for them too but... how abt him... why do men walk away quicker... to think with the left or right brain.. everything's carrie's confused abt.. so am i... i heard she eventually ended up with big... will i? and who's my big...
Monday, October 18, 2004 •
sick and scared
grrr...
one major paper due on wed and i've yet to begin.. am i dead or what?
and i hate how i always get involved in nonsense... so many questions i am always dying to ask.. damn! how how.. sick..
oooh.. here sick i dont mean physically ill but.... sick as in tired of stuff and disgusted..
Monday, October 11, 2004 •
hang on.. press on...
i will survive..
so busy this week... but sum stuff can't be ignored.. like taking time to relax and to blog! hehehe... i hope everything will turn out fine... i'm for this moment v worried abt dnd!!!! but i'm sure everything will work out.... it will.. it has too...
same goes for my relationship stuff... nope no relationship now but the way i view it.. and in the process of letting go... i'm sure everything will be fine.. it will it has too.. if it's meant to be it will be... cliche but true i guess... letting go of it now is only the best choice...
do worrrk! seeya!
Sunday, October 10, 2004 •
it's about 4am in the morn and i've carwash later...
it's bad really bad..
lorraine has tried and tried again yet it doesnt work...
lorraine wants to sleep but she cant..
and she wants to be happier but it's not tt easy...
her mind is filled with thoughts thoughts and more thoughts... memories.. for which she has been a fool... this is too painful... not tt it's exceptionally.. i guess there's a little dejavu...
lorraine has accepted facts.. facts of which she was unclear abt... and now even as how the facts came along she doesnt know yet but does it matter... then now as i sit at my computer at home.. (this is quite rare) at such an hour... i start to question... where are my friends? actually maybe the answer is clear... they are all asleep... and i guess the awake ones are busy if not it's unlikely they would be awake at such a time? okaay maybe not but what are the chances they are like me.. i super waste time one... but tt aside.. i started to question who do i turn to when i'm super upset... at such an age, i feel so bad to impose my own problems to other ppl... even though they are my frens.. yet i can't not have tt emotional support... blogging lets me share my thoughts out... keeps me sane... but this blog webbie can't and will never talk to me...
i don't think i should cry over people who have made me upset.. but i guess the point is i am upset... i can hold my tears back now.. but i can't hold them back for long.. i guess a fren of mine once told me... ur tears are precious... i tot so too.. but now.. i can't seem to be able to be strong enuff to hold them back... he's not worth it.. he's not worth it... that's what everyone says... has been saying... at least my frens la... but they all know it aint easy... it is horrible!!!!!!! it causes me more harm then good... for now at least...
Friday, October 08, 2004 •
the dreams, in which i'm dying, are the best i ever had....
hmm is this from a song?
hahaha oh well i saw my fren's nick on msn and it read that...
is this how i feel.. maybe a little i guess..
dying seems to severe...
cos i'm not dying...
best? hmm.. best is too extreme too...
but geddit geddit? hehehe...
life in mono..
lalalalalalalala.....
Wednesday, October 06, 2004 •
oooh for the first time in the sem i think i woke up for breakfast! or rather.. i didnt sleeeeeep! hmm that's for nominating my dear fren ying as block head... :) the morning air smells good..
maybe i should start waking up early and sleeping early... i'm still considering if i should not sleep now and try to last the whole day in an attempt to revert my warped sleeping clock! sigh...
•
i think i must try and adopt the mentality of "if you dont bother why should i.. if it doesnt affect you why should it affect me..."
today was a very bad day. maybe i'm saying this becos of a prior meeting i had (hall stuff). i was totally unprepared for the outcome and the outbursts. i guess we are all human.. and even i myself may have faulted.. all i'm thinking of in my mind now is why did i allow myself to fault at such a crucial time. things have not been good.. nothing has been good and everything is on a low.. but i guess when things are as bad.. it can only get better... i hope.. i wish...
