Saturday, August 28, 2004 •
the thin line btw love and hate... hmm.. where is that line...
disillusioned...
expectations and meeting them..
while one party might not expect anything, the other does...
hence no delivery and both unhappy...
it's so hard...
Thursday, August 26, 2004 •
went for my first ivp track training today.. and it's kinda also the last one.. haha erm... cos the race i'm in is this saturday! argggh! haha nervous...... can't believe it... i think i shall take one step at a time and focus... jus do what i hafta do and make realistic expectations... sigh..
kinda had a mini vjc track reunion there.. cos there was shihui, sylvester, tony and dewen! felt good... shihui and syl commented that i havent really changed since jc.. still bubbly and stuff.. which they felt was a good thingy... shihui said that most ppl become jaded... after uni and hall (esp EH??) haha... did i mention that at my meeting up with dolynn and cheryl they both kinda said the same abt me too.. oh well.. hehe issit jus me or the front i portray.. dont think i'm that unreal though.. but ppl do have multipersonalities in a way rite...
a tiring day.. can't wait for next weekend.. this weekend is too full and exciting... i need a break... lorraine is tired... but she presses on..
Wednesday, August 25, 2004 •
again... been so long since i blogged.. haha sigh.. anyway first time i'm bloggin using my latest lappie! yay! looks good feels good but i know new things will become old soon...
into the first week of tutorials, and oh man.. most of my tutorials need presentations.. not that i dislike them but tt would mean i would really have to prepare for my tutorials.. hehe good in the sense that it would prob push me to work hard.. bad cos erm.. u know.. when the lazy bug kicks in.. nevertheless i'm sure i'll survive.. getting good grades is yet another thingy though..
even though i'm kinda busy.. i realise i find myself staring into space and lazing ard most times.. like now.. i think i should be doing my readings and work.. but hrm.. nuscast not to mention the olympics is distracting me.. lolx.. i jus peeped at my neighbour siding and she's doing work!! tt's my motivation...
oh oh! i met up with pri sch frens dolynn and cheryl abt two days ago... loved the get together.. and oh can i say tt it was my first time to sizzler.. haha dun say i'm ulu but yes... it was good...
okay so kinda ending my short post here... lorraine is fine... a lil busy.. a lil disillusioned at times.. a lil confused.. but still happy... contented.. tatz!
Sunday, August 15, 2004 •
to extract the good in everything... hmm.. is that something i should learn.. more or less it kinda means to be optimistic.. to see the good in anything even if it seems bad for the moment... think positive... too positive? who knows.. haha well maybe the good part is it keeps u going when the going gets tough... not facing the truth.. hmm maybe not cos u know what's happen but you choose to see the good and not the bad... okay... enuff.
feeling better lately.. dont know why.. i'm prob feeling better cos as jo says to take everything easily.. and i guess after so long.. the super emotional me has kinda mellowed slightly.. okay in fact i think a lot! and has become a bit more rational... thumbs up! haha... dont know how long this improvement will last but i sure hope it continues...
mug mug mug.. i was never a mugger.. but i wanna pay more attention to my studies now.. yet so many distractions as always.. nevertheless i will try..... seem to be enjoying a lil solitude lately... i sumtimes find myself sitting at my desk staring into space.. or find myself lying on my bed staring at the ceiling.. yet my mind is full of thoughts... a million every min gosh i think more than tt...
stuff boggling lorr:
1. studies!!
2. dnd!!!!
3. my life!!
4. my priorities!
5. my frens!! >> so many of them i wanna call them up one by one just to catch up yet i havent got down to doing tt cos it's always after 1am which i am free to do so..... argh...
6. all the good memories.. >> of everything.. everything that has happened in the past one year...
btw, there's a new addition to the C3 wing.. Bubu Chan aka Chen Wang Cai aka BenBen! haha it's this little lovely but totally mischievous kitten Siding adopted... adorable but i really dunn fancy it playing in my room!!! it's out of bounds, bubu! lolx..
Tuesday, August 10, 2004 •
i don't think i'm ever going to blog abt my birthday.. anyway it wasnt anything much.. it was more like flag day... and i've written abt flag day already... thanks to everyone who remembered that special day.. love you guys..
had my first lecture of this semester today.. was okay.. then i went down to my aunt's heaven and earth aromatherapy place for a session of self indulgence... strolled by city link all by myself after dinner with her... and then took a bus ride back to hall...
i'm tired of denying.. i'm tired of trying to be happy when probably in fact i aint.. i'm tired of willing myself to go on and move on and to be strong... but i can't stop.. once i stop willing myself i break down.. and now now that's not what i want... always in a dilemma... if i were true to myself, i'll prolly break down for weeks... then again sumtimes being true myself meant holding out and holding strong for weeks... who in fact is the true me...
i dislike the way things turn out most times.. yet i have no ability to change whatsoever... most things dont only depend on one person's view or decision... oh well i dont really know what i'm babbling abt.. i think i can go into serious mood swings.. or maybe it seems so cos i seldom show my different moods... oops not true again.. i believe it's okay to have a mixture of moods at times.. like how i'm moody over this confusion in bgrs yet i'm happy to be in hall and with my frens....etc see.. different moods at the same time.. depends on which is the primary one... so just in case the mood of my blog changes to fast.. pardon me..
i just wanna run away... but then again i know tt's not the best way to handle stuff... so help me.. lemme be strong.. lemme brave thru these storms as always.. i've come only so far.. i hope this is not even the half way mark in my life cos i have a more fulfilling journey ahead of me.. lorraine must rise to occasions and learn and be brave...
Sunday, August 08, 2004 •
Mario just sent me two photos we took with our costumes on rag day.. Here's one of them... Pity i didn't bring along my camera.. Now i gotta go ard looking for photos i took... Hehe.. Well at least i have this for keepsake already.. :)
•
the effects of alcohol aint good at all.. perhaps it makes you high so most are happy for the moment but in actual fact, this happinness is but an illusion...
last night was EH's night out.. instead of the usual planet paradigm, this time was to centro.. music wasnt puurfect but i guess all the tiredness and alcohol which caused high-ness made up for the imperfect music.. cos u prob wont care anymore and u just start swaying and moving to the beat... lorraine has never gotten drunk.. she prob always drinks enuff to get real high but yet still in the right mind to control such that she's not totally gone.. just damn tired.. anyway, enuff said abt the party.. this party was also a post victory bash for our rag and flag efforts this year.. and of cos this party marked the end of orientation and lectures will be starting once again..
yay!!! we won the vice chancellor's shield for rag and flag for the 3rd time running this year!! which means EH gets to keep the challenge shield... :) being an EHOC member in the flag committee and a dancer for the rag presentation, that moment of victory was a super sweet one.. flag comm has been nothing but great.. the new and closer bonds forged with people i hardly knew 3 mths ago.. all the fun we've had in the midst of getting out work done... even though we had to get up early mornings.. it was all worth the effort in the end... flag day 2004 i said was the worst day in my short life so far.. 3rd of august being my birthday.. yet i was running on abt restless sleep for 2 hrs the night b4 and then doing flag for the next more than 12 hours.. i never felt so miserable.. however, the will to not let EH down and not to let flag comm down pushed me to go all out flagging.. one passerby whom i kindly asked if she would like to make a donation commented "dont have to work so hard one la.." well in case people are wondering what she meant.. we which includes i approached people one by one to ask if they would like to make a small donation.. sumhow the response which i made in my head was simply "you dont understand how much all these means to us.." and quoting another fren of mine who didnt want to do flag day.. he said he doesnt like all these cos to him it's like a form of begging.. i never really thought of flag day like that but on that very day itself, there were really moments which that thought hit me.. it was a conflict and internal struggle of my erm... (ok i cant recall the word i wanna use now) ideals.. anyway, EH once again won the highest flag collection this year.. yay! Rag wasnt half as happy though.. after months of hard work, they failed to clinch the best float thingy.. undoubtably, all the raggers and honorary member han were disappointed.. nevertheless, i felt that our float, props and costumes were fabulous.. good work guys.. perhaps not being in rag i cannot half feel how they felt, but i can only emphatize with them.. dancing for the rag presentation in the 2nd year running, and after winning the best rag presentation last year for EH, i was super nervous and worried this year.. we had to win it in order for EH to clinch the overall rag anf flag shield.. things didnt look good during practices cos we were all not up to the standard.. but i guess there's always sumthing called rising to the occasion... and we did it!!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
okay.. so peeps.. this are the results of what i have been doing and been busy with the last 3 mths.. no one will understand what all these mean to us unless of cos u're a Eusoffian.. not sure if i can apply the same to all other hostelites.. I am glad to say I'm proud to be a Eusoffian..
a post regarding other details of my birthday will wait till i am feeling lorr sorr again.. hehe... with love..
