Friday, February 28, 2003 •
how true is it tt a leopard never changes it's spots? hmm.. sigh. will a child-like person always remain like a child at heart and in actions should she actually age physically and mentally? maybe the answer seems like it's no. but wont the child-like personality come out and surface at times.
how issit tt one always seem to haf two selves? dr jekyll and mr hyde? it used to fascinate me. but now. i begin to belief tt everyone has a split personalities. jus how great the difference is. maybe it dont be a night and day kinda roster. but in different usual situations and company kinda roster.
do u actually think tt u can control ur own actions? but jus for a moment if u stop thinking abt what is right and what is not right to do, you might jus make another mistake. it is difficult to keep ur mind alert and thinking all the time but if we didnt have to think at all then what good would our brains be?
mine's rusty. heh... and i think i'm blabbering nonsense... =)
Wednesday, February 26, 2003 •
sad nite/morning. filled with emotions and thoughts evoked by composing an email to ms. know i'll pull through finally...
made grave mistake at work. but enjoyed evening with shifu. "hot chick" was the factor. =)
oh ya! fling will be back on the 27th! tt gives me reason to be happy!
to a better tmr! cheers!
Sunday, February 23, 2003 •
stones and associated energy. hmm wonder if all the purposes of different stones were supposed to have really did help or work in any case. or even my aunt's coloured bottles and nice little angel tarot cards thingy. the whole thing abt one's energy flow and ...etc. hehe.. i'm really curious and interested in all these but sumtimes i really wonder how true these were. maybe when u believe, anything will work out. anything will be true. it's jus a question of believing in it.
then again when i step into my aunt's shop or the shop tt sells all the different stones and crystals, sumthing abt the shop. maybe the aura and stuff makes me feel good. makes me feel happy and relaxed. =) uh oh.. am i turning old because i've fallen in love with stones and crystals? although not deeply in love... just infatuation i guess hehe. well, nobody says stones and crystals were for the old anyway rite! it's jus part of stereotyping.
Saturday, February 22, 2003 •
hmm btw, this is where i work. hehe
i'm no doctor or nurse. just a small admissions assistant but yeah this is where i work. lolx. ;)
•
haha this one's for u medellia. u know i'm kinda guessing who u really are. but thing is i'm jus guessing! no clues whatsoever. then again maybe i wouldnt like to find out. cos sumtimes a nick tt jus quietly kinda supports u and encourages u is really good enuff.
well yeah. basically i've been kinda busy. erm kinda here mean not really but can say so. lolx. and i wouldnt say i'm lazy to blog but more like i'm tired to blog. everyday i go to work. after work i head home. spend hours in front of the tv. i seldom sit in front of the pc now. and if i'm online i dont switch on my icq or chat to anyone. i jus zoom into what i wanna do. heh.. be it like check and clear mail. reply mails and surf for whatever info i want.. gee but everyday is quite routine. except for the different patients i face and the different stories and topics i hear in the pantry during lunch. i kinda enjoy my job and havent got tired of it YET. hehe... hope i can last a few more mths.
and sigh. the results are gonna be out. i am really dreading it. u know ppl worry that they dont be getting good grades and sum ppl are freaking out. honestly, inside i am too. jus tt i dont kinda wanna show it or let it take over me. yeah. i'm not worrying tt i wont be getting good grades. i know i wont be. i'm jus worrying tt i cant make it to uni. sigh. this i havent discussed with my parents! what if..... yeah what if... sigh..... anyway wont know and cant do a thing abt it till tt R-day arrives. *sigh*
emotionally i would say i'm doing ok. dont know yet. no diagnosis. cos i dont know what's burried deep in or i dont know which day sumthings would erupt. but yeah. i'm getting used to it. i wouldnt say i dont dream or cry over things anymore. rather, i'm getting used to the fact tt reality and dreams are often poles apart...
for now...
Saturday, February 15, 2003 •
argh..... yeah lotsa words of wisdom. so many thing can happen within a day or even a week! sigh! and i wonder how many times i told myself tt i'm gonna be fine and tt i'll move on and forget abt the whole silly thing! but no! it hasnt happened yet! anyway i was reading from a msn site tt guys have a harder time when they get ditched. yeah i agree but then i dont think it's a question of guy or girl but just a question of who gets ditched. and who is the one to ditch! yeah... and what they say is so true lor.. the hope of getting back together is a double-edged rejection sword only... firstly cos u still need to face reality and get over the emotional hurt from the breakup and 2nd cos u need to face the bleak hope tt getting back is not possible! yeah sumthing like tt... argh!!!! to the best way is to 4get abt everything and let it all go...
i've been saying this many times i guess.. tt i'm gonna let it all go...etc. but nahz.. still havent! and i hate to say this but this sux.. it really does! btw, on a v low note, where are all my frens?? i mean their there for me but how come we never go out? i dont feel nice asking them out all the time cos i feel like i'm disturbing them but they seldom ask me out too! well yeah busy... everyone's busy with their own stuff and dont really remember me.. but maybe so am i... maybe i'm as busy as them with my own stuff!
Monday, February 10, 2003 •
am i dreaming? lolx.. enjoyed the conversation. short and sweet. well it lasted for abt 45 mins.. hehe..
anw, even though i had a cookie disaster at home a few days ago, i'm determined to bake once more before friday... hehe. maybe actually the cookie disaster wasnt a cookie disaster afterall cos even though the baking at home was, my sis's colleagues who gladly became the guinea pigs said tt the cookies were actually quite nice!
catched "catch me if u can" today.. was terrific. loved the show and the role leo played was simply brilliant. he was such a genius! i wouldnt consider him a bad guy. but well, he did cheat lotsa money! but he was so young and he didnt even complete show!! anw, the real frank is 54 years old now! my fren said tt his picture was in today's "the new paper" pg 56 or sumthing but i 4got to check it up!! maybe later... hehe
today's gonna be my first day at work in uniform! geez... dont like it but well... it's work alright.. hehe and hopefully on tue i can make the pass with my photo on it! but for now, better get sum rest... boy am i tired.. wondered why i came online in the first place. maybe it was to dl a song tt he recommended... lolx. sigh... just feels like (in chinese) "an lian" = secret love (in simple english translation i guess haha...) so silly cos i dont even think it's admiration... i just cant figure out these feelings...
Tuesday, February 04, 2003 •
today was the first day of "work" at kk. boring... hehe well i was told to read what i was supposed to know. then again i need not memorise jus supposed to know so i actually flipped through and read through the stuff quite quickly... the rest of the time i was hrm.. doing nothing much! good in a way. bad in a way. and geez lunch hour isnt part of work so they only count the net working hours! hehe.. nm la.. i counted after i minus the cpf, travelling fee and food $. at least i'm still left with a little! lolx.. i dont think it's much considering i only work 5 hrs a day and on weekdays and other jobs could have paid better but i'm fine! so long as my parents dont make me pay for everything myself now... hehe other than tt i hope i can cope with the job and start doing things soon! maybe being busy is better than doing nothing! cant use the phone while on the job either... so.. yuhz.. hehe
meanwhile although i'm keeping myself rather busy with going to work, using the com, reading mags and books, watching tv/movies, walking ard the house, i know tt i still miss sumone... maybe i'm still taking my own sweet time on my rd to full recovery but he's still v much my motivation to go on and on and to make life meaningful... am i silly? dont know.. ok. maybe pretty much yes. but at least i'm not like must have him ard but pretty much he's my motivation! sigh... of cos my other friends are my motivation too! but guess many would understand it's a different kinda feeling in all... when then i treat him like jus a fren and nothing more than jus a good one...? *ponderz*
Sunday, February 02, 2003 •
it's the second day of the lunar new year! well, it really is quite a warm feeling to gather and visit relatives... hehe.. but honestly, the mood this year for cny seems a lil bland.. prob because of recession? hrm.. i dunno but nevertheless, i wanna thank my mum for bringing the festive season's mood in! all the chinese new year songs played in the house and in the car did make me actually feel like "hey! it's cny!" and i was happy it was... i dont really care abt the ang baos actually cos i realised tt cny is abt much more than this! hehe and surprisingly i think i'm eating less new year goodies! hmm wonder if it's because subconciously i know tt i'm not exercising... but i dont even haf to control! i jus dont wanna eat.. lolx.
the only thing tt i feel so missing is how come my friends and i didnt like plan to go visiting to each other's houses? hmm, my sis and my bro all planned for tt but not me! =( hehe... not tt my parent's company isnt enough... but hmm it makes me think how come my friends not so on!! lolx... anyway, happy lunar new year everyone! let us usher in the goat year with joy and may it be another new beginning for all of us! *smilez*
