Tuesday, January 28, 2003 •
oooh! hehe bought the ingredients to bake my own choc chip cookies! lolx.. all the flour and sugar were terribly heavy!!! even though they look harmlessly small in packet size! haha... and yeah! i had to carry them ard!! =(
sweetheart's bak ku teh was nice too! actually i mean her grandma's haha... visited yinQi twice!! once in the afternoon! and once when she was closing.. heh for u know what la! to help her close shop and take sum breakfast home! *grinz* tt's what frens are for anyway.. hehe rite? rite Qi?? hehe... and in the afternoon, sy and i gave her a surprise. which turned out to be an even bigger surprise for sy and i cos yeekwan was coming to visit Qi too! haha then 2 of us pretended tt we were customers in the shop looking a bread and turned out tt yeek didnt even notice us! now now.. wasnt our camoflage good?! hehe... it was really funny!
gee... i cant imagine having to start work soon... sigh.. i also can believe cny's coming! and when it's coming, my pimples start to pop out and itch my face! arggggggh!
go away!! haha sorry i was shouting at the pimples! hmm question: travel quite a bit to get to work but fun (fun in my opinion la! lolx) work and more working hours = more pay OR travel a bit to work, might be tiring/boring work and less working hours = less pay?
Sunday, January 26, 2003 •
have u ever been in self-denial? have u felt tt u were a bad person and the worst person living? u know u're doing things wrong but it's just hard to control urself and so u happen to do all the silliest, most selfish things? well, tt's how i'm feeling now. it all started with a silly quarrel with my bro and i just felt so.. erm i dunno! argh!! haha kshfsjkfhsjfh haha! this is the way to describe what i was feeling! so i turned into a mean green monster! being quite unreasonable but i dont actually care! cos to unreasonable ppl, i think we have to deal with them how they treat us? am i rite? hehe... well then again, tt gives us no right to be mean and unreasonable too.. but hm.. nm la.. cos it's so difficult to be nice ppl sumtimes... then at moments we succumb to become really horrible ppl..
anyway, i found the ultimate cure to relieve ur saddness, anger or whatever emotions.. other than spending quality happy time with frens, music!! hehe erm and laughing too la! music makes u feel at ease... but sumtimes they make u feel worse.. then for laughing.. u can jus start saying, "ha ha ha..." then u'll jus start to laugh! hehe... yinQi taught me this! i think we knew these two cures all along... but hmm i'm jus stating it out now la! lolx.. duh... okok.. have a nice sunday ppl!
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Cookies Galore!
hehe yesterday we had dunman track reunion! full attendance cos a grand total of 5 of us were present! hehe... after a very fulfilling lunch at crystal jade we lingered at parkway for a while... then i went to help do packing at "art tree" for abt 3 hrs! they were rushing goods out and i jus felt obliged to help! so yeah... hehe the best part of the day was after that when i went to szeyen's place to help cook, bake and eat! hehe... the choc chip cookies were lovely! esp those with our colourful decorations haha using icing of cos!! haha not to mention tt we threw a few batches away cos the 3 of us.. (angeline, me and szeyen) were talking and joking until we 4got abt the time! =) szeyen's cheesecake was also wonderful!!! maybe because all these stuff were baked with love... *meltz* i jus love spending time at her place.. wish we could meet up more often! we always do things that make us feel good! u feel good abt urself even though ur mind is boggled and ur heart is tied down... well, yeah.. i love u guys! *huggiez*
Wednesday, January 22, 2003 •
argh! hehe what's wrong with the tagboard!! hehe...
anyway, i'm getting excited cos i'm beginning to find more meaning in life! lolx i mean my boring bummer life now! i'm going for an interview at kk hospital on monday! it's for sum financial counselling counter thingy.. hehe it doesnt pay really well but working hours are not long and i'll prob still haf time to get a life and do things i like after work IF and only IF i do get the job! hehe... i think working in a hospital is meaningful haha even if it's sum boring reception job... *hopez* i'm tired of having nothing to do everyday! hehe i feel so motivated now to learn more new things and read more books! haha this rush of motivation came from dunno where! but yeah... was thinking of taking sum academic courses like accountancy! but fling says it's so boring cos i'll gonna study in uni soon! haha i hope i can leh! study in uni i mean~ so maybe take up courses like cooking or manicure or...etc hehe.. but i still dont think i wanna learn driving yet... dunno why.. *shrugz*
tmr might be an interesting day too.. hehe i hope.. going for sum ferry evacuation exercise at tuas! lolx.. called sum frens along and hope it'll be fun.. ok maybe not fun but not boring! hehe get to jump onto a lifeboat leh! haha duhz... cheap thrill rite? but i never jump onto a lifeboat b4 leh... ahaha...
Monday, January 20, 2003 •
really tired... hehe slept only like 2 hrs before going to sch in the morn! and today i really dreaded the pe... lolx. lower sec classes are so much more difficult to handle!!! sigh.. anyway, i'm trying to upload pictures onto my blog.. so.. to all those ppl who are working and those who are in the army or going to the army and those who are still studying and ppl like me who are still bumming (hey it's not easy to be one u know.. hehe)... erm a little piece of advice for u! hehe i think most of u guys should haf seen this b4...
if only singapore had mountains... :)
Sunday, January 19, 2003 •
hey then again.. hehe i kinda like bumming ard.. jus tt it's sooo aimless and with nobody to spend time with me.. most guy frens are entering army soon.. or already entered.. most girl frens haf a job!! argh! hehe *grinz* this is really hrm... bad.. hehe...
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it was such a lazy sunday!
i think i practically slept the whole day! sigh.. and jus while i was still napping at ard 10 plus, Mr Chew called to ask me to relieve Mr Tan Tui Gee at dunman tmr! haha nice! but oops.. how am i going to fall asleep! my whole system is topsy turvy already! sigh... jus like the nite be i went back to dunman tt day, i didnt exactly sleep but only rested my eyes for 3 hrs.. hehe hope i'll do fine again tmr...
anyway, i'm still pretty much of a bummer!
i think i better really be more erm... okok i mean i think i'd better start seriously looking for work and going for interviews!!!!!! haha wasnt this what i wrote sumtime back? oops.. erm.. okok if i DO get a job soon.. perhaps odd jobs... i'll defintely spead the news! lolx so tt lorraine isnt the QuEeN of bummer anymore.. haha tt's what yinQi called me.. :P
Friday, January 17, 2003 •
Tired
u know, i love blogging but i'm getting a lil tired to blog.. cos there's so much to express it's actually quite draining.. but then again.. to not express is to be surpressed! hehe.. so.. alrite.. i'll write a little..
i am totally erm maybe
angry is the word... losing hope in the righteousness of man. but i guess i dont want to elaborate further~
anyway, today was happening! had to wake up soooo early in the morn.. (considering tt i usually wake up at noon hehe) to go back to dunman to relief pe! hehe plus a maths lessons. was initially v nervous but it wasnt such a scary task in the end cos pe was jus ordering ppl abt hehe mainly to exercise and math had to invigilate a test~ simple? hrm.. think again.. lolx.. it was simple la... jus tt with such a lovely face how could i ever look fierce unless i tried really hard to! *grinz* then i met up with a few of my sec 4 classmates... the gathering was cool. met for lunch at suntec marches.. then went to play bowling where i was stuck with a bunch of guys cos the only other 3 girls(szeyen, angeline, daphne) conveniently deserted me at the alley! lolx.. when i called my "sweetheart" szeyen, apparently i think daphne picked up the fone and "who are u? why are u calling when i dont even know u!" hehz.. plain erm.. denial?? nahz.. i dunno the word la. then cos of sum transport thingy we took a long time to reach parkway where we had dinner at such fish place hehe and erm played a lil pool. i think i was really lucky today cos i won all the 3 matches i played! *beams*
it was nice to meet up with all my ex classmates cos for one, the guys were totally hilarious for various reasons and the girls, we were as usual, having our own fun too i guess... hehe. going back to dunman today was also familiar.. i kinda miss dunman now. on my walk home i was feeling emotional, confused and angry.. cos of erm.. certain stuff which most ppl might guess correctly but not for this moment (which i'm typing this entry)cos i've straightened out my thoughts for the moment.. but i am usually on a rollercoaster ride.. erm are most of u blurred? hehe.. nm... i dont know why i tot of such silly things which evoked the tears in me again. maybe cos half the credit to the 3 won games of pool goes to sumone who doesnt want to really be by my side longer...
bleahz.. heck! =)
Monday, January 13, 2003 •
Last Kiss For The Day
i had no other intentions. all i wanted to do was to spend a little time with him and jus to be by his side... it was such a warm feeling... to be safe and sound in his arms... to know tt sumone will be there for u always.. tt's how i felt.. were my senses wrong? hmm maybe but then again maybe not! everything else was so familiar. the computer, the songs, the laughter, and a lil bit of cheekiness on both sides... i wondered what was actually running through his mind...
in the movie "my best friend's wedding", the guy said tt his future wife, kimmy said tt if u love sumone u gotta say it out loud, at tt v moment or tt moment will jus pass u by... and so tt was wad i did.. but after tt, there was complete silence... then.. i spoiled the atmosphere by asking... "u dont love me do u?" hoping for an answer but knowing i wont get one... and yepz.. there wasnt an answer... geez.. hehe silence means so many things i cant even imagine what tt particular silence meant.. anyway i'm not thinking abt it now.. cos i know tt even if it wasnt love, there's a special feeling.. tt wont go away... the fact tt i know no matter wad he'll alwaz be there for me didnt haf to be spelt out.. i jus know it...
ppl may say, he hurt u before... he's so mean... how can it be possible tt he'll alwaz be there for u? maybe it's pure innocence but i jus know it... believe me or not, i can see it in his eyes... if my instincts were wrong, then i guess i'm jus a fool who remains a sucker for love... maybe not only love but sweet nothings.. hehz.. *crosses my finger* maybe he was jus playing with me? maybe this maybe tt.. i'm tired of guessing.. should i jus trust my partially blinded heart? one thing i still dont really understand is why... why did he have to leave me mths ago jus like tt... did he mean to hurt me? did he haf other reasons which were never said? no one except the two of us went through this relationship together and no one except the two of us will ever know what truly happened... i appreciate all the love and concern my frens haf given me thus far. without u guys, i would never have survived... but sadly, i can only say tt i need more time.. and i'll take quite a bit of time hehe if i ever want to 4get him and move on.. i'm really sorry if i ever let u guys down again... but i'm sure u'll always love me and will always be there for me rite? hehe *hugs*
anyway i hope i didnt spoil the afternoon much by that stupid question.. hehe even if i did.. it doesnt matter cos to me, all i remember is the lovely bus ride, his cologne (i dont wanna bathe today.. lolx) and his warm hugs... i hope to leave things untouched for now.. so tt this memory remains forever... but i know tt within a matter of days... i might spoil the memory of this lovely day... i might, but i hope i dont...
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Which toe are you? o_O~?
took the "which toe are u?" test from zing's blog jus now.. hehe it's really cute! and this is the toe i am! *look above* hehe.. sigh.. issit true? dunno? *shrugz* the lotsa love part yeah.. cos even my aunt who does colour reading always say tt.. hehe.. *ahem*
•
hmm what shall i say.. i jus realised tt no one can yet take away his place.. actually not jus realised but i knew it all along.. i'm sorta like forming a protective shell ard me.. not opening up to other ppl.. cos i only want to be opened up by him.. but he doesnt want to open me up! how sad.. hehe... ppl all say.. what's the point of holding on to nothing.. or maybe they say why dont u jus let it go now since u know it's gonna end anyway... hmm i also dont know.. why why why....
WHY!!!! when it comes to relationships or stuff.. i jus become a small little girl.. so naive.. so erm.. silly... i dont want to be like tt.. then again maybe i do want to tt's why i'm behaving like tt.. ppl say open ur eyes and u'll see more ppl who are much better than him but i think.. ha! yeah i see many.. but i'm not interested... geez... stubborn isnt it... i wonder when i can get out of this trap... sumone save me!
Sunday, January 12, 2003 •
split
love, hurt, tears...
emptiness, loneliness, pain...
love which brings hurt tt causes tears to roll profusely out...
leaving only emptiness, loneliness and pain tt no one can take away...
my heart tells me two different stories.. which should i believe...
or rather, which would i prefer? there is no answer...
no answer to my deepest thoughts... a logical ans yes. but an answer tt i'm satisfied with no.
there is also no answer to his deepest thoughts... never...
at such a time i wish i'd never existed... never existed to experience such pain...
but tt would never realise cos i exist...
Friday, January 10, 2003 •
very eventful but lazy to write... lolx
so point form!
1. ran errand for my aunt --- tiring! expensive(bus/train fares) timeconsuming(lives in braddell)
2. facial and massage --- wonderful and relaxing
3. shopping for dad's bday present! --- mind boggling! what to buy!! =(
4. dad's bday dinner --- yum yum!
okie.. byebye! *winkz*
Thursday, January 09, 2003 •
it's been a
lovely day! hehe.. =) actually the week so far has been rather nice.. although i'm not working and busy going out, meeting frens and spending more $$... hehe i'm enjoying it.. only to realise tt i'm really running low on cash.. plus travelling nowadays is soo expensive! hehe tt's cos we dont get the student privileges anymore! humph! geez, maybe i should really actively look for a job now rather than passively waiting and waiting till june... lolx! anyway, met hanshuo today.. (my fling!) walked and talked and caught "infernal affairs" *grinz* ppl say tt chinese shows shouldnt watch on the big screen cos it's usually not worth it and it would come out on tv anyway.. hehe but i jus loved this one. cos it starred a bunch suave looking guys and not to mention the pretty girls.. hehe.. i guess i would have enjoyed the more EVEN more if i wasn't jus paying attention to their faces but more to the story.. it has an interesting plot!
dinner was a sakae sushi.. we didnt know there was a branch and bugis! and the thought of travelling sumwhere else to satisfy our erm.. craving? lolx wasn't nice at all... before and after dinner was walk walk and window shopping! hehe shopping shopping shopping! erm to emphasize again..
window shopping hehe.. tried on many pairs of shoes, many skirts.. but still undecided which one to get cos i would get all if i could.. *smilez* chinese new year is ard the corner.. hehe abt hmm 3 weeks? and tt gives even more excuse to buy.. hehe i've even got a shopping list and calculated budget.. hehe goes to show what u can u when u're bored and not working and stuck at home... hanshuo's mum called to rush her home so i decided to go home at at abt 10... then, angeline called! surprise surprise.. hehe she jus finished work and was kinda bored.. btw, she works in bugis.. hehe so we met up.. went for a drink.. hehe and when i mean drink i mean like softdrink green tea drink lolx.. not alcoholic drink! ;) chatted at a playground too.. it was a warm feeling cos we havent been talking much throughout 2002 and i really missed her... sent her home before going home..
to top the day off was when a close fren of mine revealed great news! hehe well he's slowing cutting down on his addiction to cigarettes and woo hoo! he's making progress.. hehe not great progress but progress! hehe.. yea isnt tt nice? really hope he quits in the end.. although i know it's difficult and many who quit still pick it up again or become "social" smokers.. not tt i'm prejudiced against smokers but it's really bad for the health!
okok my net fren zhenkai aka Sol gave me a quote today which i think may help sum of us not crack our puny brains over our existance and how meaningless life can be at times... it's... *drumroll*
"I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it" by Rita Mae Brown...
lolx.. so.. let's erm.. enjoy while we can.. even if it's for a moment!
thanx darius kor for helping me with this blog... =)
Wednesday, January 08, 2003 •
Darius kor is the best!!
hahaha...
Monday, January 06, 2003 •
hello! hmm i hope this works.. =) this is kinda like my first entry.. cos i tried a few times but i didnt get anything rite! lolx.. lousy aint i! anyway, it's so late already.. more like early since it's the wee hours in the morn! but this is usual for lorraine.. hehe most of my frens should know.. yea yea.. it aint healthy but sigh... i dont know what's keeping me up.. hmm well.. hope this time the entry and the templates all work.. if not.. i'm not going to care.. i'm going to bed and try to fix it tmr! i wasnt tired.. NOW i am! *yawnz* hehe..
It's supposed to be a new year.. new start new beginning.. and with me.. HOPEFULLY making it to university, getting almost a whole new life... there are jus certain things that are so hard to put down.. i cant help but thinking of them all the time.. know the song "maybe" by enrigue iglesias... hmm i only kinda think the lyrics apply.. maybe this is was deters me from sleeping... hehe if only my attitude towards studying was as conscientious as my thoughts where such are concerned... feel kinda silly and stupid but cant help it.. argh!!!!! sigh.. anyway.. i can put it away for a while and chuck it until such thoughts surface again.. so... hmm *chUcK!* lolx..
Gotta meet friends tmr morning!! hehe.. i wonder if i can wake up in time... it's gonna be a long day and a long week! hope it's gonna be full of fun and not filled with boredom! and... before i turn in, here's a "quote" i stole off my friend.. hehe wherever he got it from.. i think it's kinda cool.. a bit urm... but yeah..! hehe dont really have a link to what i've said so far.. but hmm i dont care! *grinz*
"Procrastination is like masturbation.. it feels great until you realize.. you just fucked yourself..."
